Self-Esteem
Self-esteem is the confidence a person has in their own worth and abilities. It’s also referred to as self-worth, self-respect, or sense of self. Surprisingly, this topic often catches people off guard in leadership programs.
“Surely self-esteem isn’t relevant in leadership?”
But leadership is fundamentally about people, and people are relational. Self-esteem shapes how we think, feel, and act—impacting how we communicate, respond to feedback, set boundaries, and lead under pressure. It’s not a fluffy concept, it’s foundational. Self-esteem underpins confidence, resilience, emotional regulation, and our ability to empower others. Far from being off-centre, it’s central to strong, authentic, and effective leadership.
Watch this 5-minute video that summarises the role of self-esteem in leadership.
We can think of self-esteem as a spiral. The bottom of the spiral represents low self-esteem, while the top represents high or healthy self-esteem.
When someone is operating closer to the bottom, they often struggle with feelings of unworthiness. They may see themselves as less capable, be overly anxious, and tend to be highly self-critical. In contrast, someone operating near the top of the spiral tends to have confidence in their ability to make decisions, a sense of themselves as deserving of happiness, and a generally positive outlook. They typically enjoy healthier relationships, have a grounded understanding of their strengths, and maintain realistic expectations of themselves.
While each person has a general baseline level of self-esteem, it’s important to remember that self-esteem is dynamic. It constantly shifts up or down in response to life events, feedback, setbacks, and achievements.
For example, someone with healthy self-esteem may temporarily dip down the spiral after a disappointment like missing out on a job they really wanted or receiving constructive feedback from a leader they admire. They may feel disheartened for a few days, but after some reflection, they return to their usual baseline. Their self-worth remains intact.
In contrast, someone operating lower on the spiral may struggle to move upward. Compliments or positive feedback often conflict with their internal self-concept and are dismissed or deflected, like water off a duck’s back. Because they don’t truly believe the positive feedback to be true, it doesn’t stick, and their self-esteem remains low despite external affirmation.
Noticing self-esteem in action
The table below outlines four key characteristics of healthy self-esteem and compares each with how it may manifest in individuals with lower self-esteem:
| Characteristic | Healthy Self Esteem | Lower Self-Esteem |
|---|---|---|
| Self awareness | Balanced self-awareness A realistic understanding of one’s strengths and weaknesses, without distortion or denial. | Distorted self-perception Downplays strengths, magnifies weaknesses, or struggles to accept positive feedback. |
| Relationships | Healthy relationships The ability to form and maintain supportive relationships, while also recognising and setting boundaries in unhealthy ones. | Relational challenges Struggles to recognise problematic relational dynamics, difficulty setting boundaries, more tolerant of poor treatment, express frequent uncertainty in beliefs, decisions, or seek external validation. |
| Expectations | Realistic expectations The capacity to set appropriate, achievable goals without harsh self-judgement or perfectionism. | Unrealistic or self-defeating expectations Holds perfectionistic or unrelenting standards, perceives underperformance against unrealistic standards of achievement, avoids challenge altogether. |
| Needs and boundaries | Needs awareness and effective expression A clear understanding of personal needs and the confidence to communicate them effectively and respectfully. | Suppressed needs or passive communication Ignores own needs, struggles to express needs constructively (bottling up then exploding), or fears being a burden. |
Self-esteem Fallacies
“You can have too much self-esteem“
A common misconception is that you can have too much self-esteem, often equated with arrogance. But these are two very different things. A person with healthy self-esteem sees themselves as worthy and capable, without needing to be better than others. In contrast, someone with an overinflated sense of self holds a distorted view of their worth, often seeing themselves as superior to those around them. This isn’t a reflection of true self-esteem, but rather a form of compensation or insecurity masked as confidence. We’ll explore this distinction in more depth in the next topic.
You can’t have too much self-esteem in the same way you can’t have too much health.
“If you’re shy, you must lack confidence“
While shyness and lack of confidence can overlap, they are not the same thing. Shyness typically refers to discomfort or anxiety in social situations, often rooted in temperament or past experiences. In contrast, a lack of confidence is a broader issue related to a person’s self-belief and perceived ability to handle challenges across various areas of life. It’s also worth noting that many shy individuals have high self-esteem and feel confident in many non-social domains such as work, creativity, or problem-solving.
Shyness may influence how someone engages with others, but it doesn’t necessarily reflect low self-worth.
What contributes to low self-esteem?
The points below are not an exhaustive list, nor are they deterministic. You may have experienced some of these factors without necessarily developing low self-esteem. Rather, they are common influences that can contribute to how self-esteem forms and fluctuates over time.
Why self-esteem matters in leadership
Self-esteem is more than a personal trait—it’s a leadership asset. Leaders who struggle with low self-esteem may find themselves operating from a place of self-protection rather than higher purpose. This behaviour doesn’t just affect the individual, it impact teams, culture, and business outcomes.
Did you know?
Those with lower self-esteem are more likely to:
- Shift blame or avoid responsibility, as they are more often operating from an external locus of control
- React impulsively under pressure, due to limited emotional regulation and poor stress management
- Avoid or misjudge risk, leading to missed opportunities, either by making overly cautious decisions that hold them back, or overly risky decisions in pursuit of a short-term win to scaffold their self-worth, sometimes at the expense of their own safety or the safety of others.
- Struggle with long-term strategic thinking, becoming overly focused on short-term validation or avoiding failure. This fixed mindset can blind them to the bigger picture and limit the ability to plan for sustainable, long-term success.
This is why building self-esteem matters. When leaders develop a healthy sense of self-worth, they become better at regulating emotions, navigating complexity, taking thoughtful risks, and empowering others to grow. So, while building self-esteem in others can be challenging, especially if you’re still working on your own, it’s not only possible, but also essential. The inner work you do now will ripple outward into your leadership, your team, and every aspect of your life.
Personal Activity
These practices are designed to help you reconnect with your sense of self-worth, build self-compassion, and challenge limiting beliefs. They can be revisited regularly as part of your ongoing development.
1. Reflect on your early experiences and core beliefs
Take time to explore the early experiences that may have shaped your self-concept. What beliefs about yourself did you internalise as a child or adolescent? Which of those might no longer serve you?
Use visualisation to imagine your adult self, offering you as a child the comfort, support, and the unmet needs they still hold. There are many resources online to guide you through inner child exercises.
2. Practice loving-kindness and self-compassion
These evidence-based exercises involve sending kind, affirming thoughts to yourself and others. Regular self-compassion practice helps rewire the inner critic and soften harsh self-judgement. Dr. Kristin Neff has some fantastic free resources on her website.
3. Focus on what you like about yourself
Create a list of qualities you appreciate about yourself. Include aspects such as your behaviours, personality traits, values, strengths, skills, and even physical features. You can also reflect on the compliments you’ve received over the years, or the ways you consistently show up for others.
Continue to add to this list over time. Revisit it when self-doubt creeps in.
4. Use positive self-affirmations
Write and repeat daily affirmations using “I” statements in the present tense, phrased as things you are but may struggle to recognise. Tie each statement to a positive outcome and an emotional anchor. Some examples are listed below, but this is your opportunity to get creative and craft affirmations that feel authentic to you.
“I am a caring and supportive partner.”
“I am capable of achieving great things”
“I am worthy of receiving unconditional love and fully capable of loving others well.”
“I am creative, analytical, and insightful. My strengths are the reason my investors are impressed by my proposal.”
You don’t even need to fully believe these affirmations right away—repetition builds belief over time. Repeat the affirmations daily and write them in more than one place where you will see them often.
5. Keep a self-esteem journal
A self-esteem journal is a dedicated space to record small wins, affirmations, compliments received, and positive reflections. It’s especially helpful for those with low self-esteem who tend to experience a harsh inner critic or distorted self-beliefs. Regular journaling creates evidence to challenge those beliefs and reinforce a more balanced, compassionate self-view. If you’re looking for structure, there are many free templates available online to help you get started.
6. Try the Reflected Best Self Exercise
Ask colleagues, friends and family to share a story or moment where they saw you at your best. Encourage them to be specific about what you were doing and how it made a difference to them and others. Once you’ve gathered several stories—research suggests 30 is the ideal number—review them to identify recurring themes, values, and strengths. Then, distil these insights into a single, powerful sentence that captures your “Best Self Portrait.” This exercise is deeply affirming and can significantly enhance both self-esteem and self-awareness.
You can’t take others on a journey you’re not willing to go on first. Building self-esteem in others starts with you.
Self-esteem Assessment
The Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale is a widely used, 10-item questionnaire designed to measure overall self-worth. It offers a quick snapshot of how positively or negatively you view yourself.
If you’re unsure whether you have low self-esteem, consider completing the scale as a starting point for reflection. Free versions are available online or you can download the version below to refer back to.
Reflective Questions
Please take some time to answer the questions below. The power of self-reflection lies in your willingness to be honest and vulnerable. The more openly you engage, the more insight and growth you’ll unlock.
- Where does your self-esteem sit on the spiral right now?
- Which of the common influences listed earlier may have shaped your self-esteem? Why?
- What situations, feedback, or internal thoughts tend to shift you down the self-esteem spiral?
- How is your current level of self-esteem influencing your leadership?
- If you’re a parent, hope to become one, or are a role model to a younger child—what commitments will you make to support healthy self-esteem in the next generation?